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Title: Inside Out
Author: Purpleyin

Rating: K
Spoilers: Only Season 1 really, any episode with Kavanagh in.
Summary: They presume to know him, but they know nothing – it's just it serves his purpose to let them go on believing what they like. Kavanagh PoV with unrequited Kav/Weir and actual Weir/BYOS

A/N: Betaread by Ellex and Fanwoman. The 2nd of my fanfic100 fics on Kavanagh – yes, that's right I'm crazy and I've promised a 100 fics from/about him – so expect a lot more Kavfic. :)

###



He'd like to think it was about sex. If that was all it was, he'd have reported it, spread the gossip far and wide, given them hell for being so... so... reckless.

...for being reckless with his feelings. Not that either knows the truth. Their perspective of his feelings is about as far from the truth as you can get.

Oh sure, he's never going to be happy at how she chewed him out, but half the reason he protested so much was because he hadn't expected it from her. He'd wanted her to be better than that, to see his reasoning. He'd wanted her support.

But he'd never have it again. He should have backed down; she shouldn't have made it an issue. Now he is the issue. And not the way he wants to be. He wishes it wasn't true, but he wants to be with her. Crazy as it is, he wishes he knew Elizabeth better. He doesn't relish knowing her as 'Weir', as their leader, but as Elizabeth, he'd found her intriguing, exhilarating company. She really believes in her people, and he'd wanted her to believe in him. She had, in a way, to bring him here, but maybe she regrets it.

He's still here, but he won't ever be who or what he wants. He isn't the right man for her, and he knows it. He sees the way she looks at her 'friend'. Publicly, those two are friends, but it clearly goes far deeper than that. What they have makes her smile and forget about everyone else, and all her troubles, too. No doubt that includes him, on both counts. It makes his stomach sink and his chest tighten, but he turns on his heels and goes about his business. It's ironic that he's the only one who ever catches them, and he wonders if it's fate teaching him a lesson, or maybe everyone else sees it, too, and can't bear to destroy their happiness.

Mind you, no one else would think he'd care – either about her or anyone else's happiness. But he lets them think what they like because, quite frankly, he doesn't want them to know, doesn't want pity or understanding. He just does his job, the best way he knows – the way that gets results. He goes on every day, pretending it doesn't matter that no one notices if anything he does has any positive influence. It's just a job that needs doing, in a place they need to be – that's how he survives here. He doesn't need support, but when it all gets to be too much, he recalls how she must have seen something deeper in him, at least once, for him to even be here. It doesn't make him happy, but it helps him carry on.

###



Want more Kavanagh fic? Visit my Kavanagh fanfic100 table.

Comments

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
justabi
Oct. 12th, 2005 02:05 am (UTC)
I love it when I actually like Kavanaugh. Thank you.
planetkiller
Oct. 12th, 2005 05:59 am (UTC)
Just lovely. I don't normally care for angst (too much of it in RL) but you made me love this. And you have a *perfect* Kav voice.
natacup82
Oct. 12th, 2005 01:47 pm (UTC)
It's a scary thing when I feel bad for Kavanaugh, good fic :)
murdocsangel
Oct. 13th, 2005 12:18 am (UTC)
Aww, poor William *grins* He needs to get out more. See that there's plenty of females who wouldn't mind loving him :)
starrylizard
Dec. 20th, 2005 07:02 am (UTC)
William? Is that a fact? I didn'tthink he had a first name yet... I was favouring Gordon personally...*shrugs*
missyvortexdv
Dec. 20th, 2005 12:38 pm (UTC)
No, he hasn't had a first name yet, William is just one I saw around and decided I liked to use. MA above also uses it I think...

I've also seen Calvin, Logan and a few others used.
starrylizard
Dec. 20th, 2005 07:01 am (UTC)
OMG! A fellow Kavanagh freak! I resisted the fanfic 100 and went instead for Kavanagh-centric fic at alphabetasoup. Start small I told myself! Just finished the first one and I'm editing it before posting. Um mind if I friend you?
Oh and good fic :D
missyvortexdv
Dec. 20th, 2005 12:40 pm (UTC)
Ah, I keep hearing of that, looks cool. Friending is fine, though I do keep all fic etc public...

Thanks for the feedback, so far I've done 5 of 100! Lots to go but I have many ideas, including some weird shippy ones.
starrylizard
Dec. 20th, 2005 01:34 pm (UTC)
Hehe. Mine is a truly weird ship...so once again *squee!* I will have a look-see for your other fic. :D I love Kavie's character and you do him justice.
missyvortexdv
Dec. 20th, 2005 02:23 pm (UTC)
Which ship do you talk of...? A Kavanagh one I'm presuming, would it be Kav/Weir considering the above fic?
starrylizard
Dec. 20th, 2005 11:52 pm (UTC)
Oh I was simply typing late at night; a time at which I make no sense and a habit I truly must break.
I like Kav/Weir and plan to definitely write some fics with that ship, but my latest fic turned into a different very strange ship and I shall leave it at that until I post it. I was happy to find the rare ships communtity. That's so great!
missyvortexdv
Dec. 21st, 2005 01:50 am (UTC)
Well you might be pleased to know I have two Kav/Weir fic ideas spinning around that I intend to write as part of my fanfic100. One is, kinky but character too and the other an attempt at real two way UST ship for them. I just know most of my normal reader will have a WTF moment at it but I really like the challenge of even making the ship semi-believable to a casual reader. I don't imagine many people will actually be looking for Kav/Weir fic but I'm hoping some might be suprised and like it anyway, that's the plan. :)
starrylizard
Dec. 21st, 2005 02:39 am (UTC)
I'll keep an eye out for them. :D
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )

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