Purpleyin/Hans (missyvortexdv) wrote,

4400 fic: Not Searching Anymore 1/1 K

Title: Not Searching Anymore
Author: Purpleyin

Rating: K+
Spoilers: Season 2 start of “Wake Up Call”
Warnings: None
Summary: Set at the start of Season 2, a little short about Marco's developing crush on Diana into something more. Diana/Marco.

A/N: Betaread by Fanwoman.


To know what you want is a rare thing. A lot of people are only aware that they want something, waiting for it to slot into the perceived gap and make their life “whole”. In short, they're searching. They'll know what it is when they find it, but they don't know what or who it is. No amount of wishing could help because it's still a mystery to them.

But he knows what he wants, and that's not meant to sound lustful, though lust obviously has something to do with it. He wants Diana Skouris, every inch of her. He doesn't care about all her flaws; he's confident he can work around them – he's already managed to worm his way deeper into her life than he could have hoped a year ago – and even with them, he adores her. Like everyone else on this planet, she's not perfect, but for him, she's as close as he feels any woman can get. It isn't that he wants someone like her, no; she's the only woman he cares about now, the only one he can ever picture loving this deeply.

Maybe the sentiment is kind of sappy, but he's beyond caring how he comes off, as long as she understands he's there for her whatever happens. He wants to be near her, in any capacity she'll let him. He wants to be around every day, and make her smile, joke with her and listen to all her stories about Maia and her life. Just being there is satisfying, even if he's aware he would like more. But this is all about Diana, and he's a patient man. He can wait; he knows he'll have to. He just hopes it isn't too long before she realises he really means everything he says, that he'd do nearly anything for her and won't be put off by her flippant answers to his suggestions. She can't push him away like he knows she must have done to others so easily; he won't let her distance herself from him because she's afraid of being hurt. He'll be with her to comfort her, and eventually, she has to see that it's infinitely better to have someone and risk losing them, hurting them, than it is to deny yourself for fear.

Maybe the truth is, he's past wanting her and into the zone where he needs her. He's hoping someday she'll want him rather than need him, as she does right now, that she won't just need a co-worker, a friend, a confidante. He started out with want; she started out need. Some day, maybe those paths will cross and they'll both want, and need, the same thing - each other.

For now, he flashes her a smile when he sees her, but carries on working after she leaves – not quite so puppy dog any more, or so he hopes. But there is that lingering enjoyment of the fact she flirted back, just a little, and called him handsome. It wasn't like he did anything out of the ordinary. He did it for her, but he also wrote it because it was the truth - and she knows it. So, perhaps, there is a little more want there on her side, since there was absolutely no need for her extra comment, apart from pure Skouris teasing.

Right now, he's gotta take what he gets, though he can't say he doesn't like the attention, just he'd like it one day if she actually let him explain about whiteholes vs blackholes over dinner. At least, he has something to look forward to, someone in his sights, a woman who makes him happy even as it is. From his point of view, it can only get better as time goes on.
Tags: 4400:diana/marco, 4400:marco, my 4400 fic

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