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4400 fic: Reaching 1/1 K+

Title: Reaching
Author: Purpleyin

Rating: K+
Warning: Descriptions of major canon character death
Spoilers: Season 2 up to “Carrier”
Summary: Shawn relives the eventful day each night – he has no choice. Fate always plays out as it intends to.

A/N: Betaread by Fanwoman.

It feels vivid, overpowering to his senses. He sees splashes of every color he can think of dashed around the crowd. His attention dances across, from person to person, until he picks up on the target – a staggering man, with holes in his chest, who falls like deadweight.

He's there in an instant, right by the side, as if everything has been fast forwarded – the blood is flowing out in streams, leaving the body, and he can't fix this. He clutches the head and concentrates like his own life depends on it.

In flashes, he sees who is before him. His mind is conscious that Jordan died like this, but it presents him with an overlay of another face, a ghost of his past. Though he knows him best from photos, he knows who this flickering image is. All at once, it is his mentor and his father. Both of them dying, leaving him.

There are hands everywhere, his hands trying to grasp at the man - to save his father, make him stay – and hands pulling him away. Jordan's clasping at him, desperate for his saviour at first, before he knows it's too late, then merely seeking to warn him. The words are hard to make out, and they mean very little to him. He wishes for more, but nothing else is said. He wants to know what to do. It's over, and everyone is looking to him. He's never been more confused, lost in a sea of people who don't know him, the only person who does unable to help. This is him all grown up and alone, like he's felt for years, but made real.

He wants to heal himself, heal those he loves first, but he can't. It has to be this way, fate boxing them all into a grand scheme for the future. All he wants is to simply be himself, to be normal and surrounded by family. Now he is special, and not the kind of special everyone appreciates. Jordan had appreciated it, but now Jordan is gone. He can't heal these wounds; they're too painful. They linger on, the blood on his hands a reminder as he slumps over the body. He's never been able to have what he wants. Life taunts him; this is just the latest event to blaze over him.

He wakes up, breathing harsh against the silence of his bedroom at the centre. His heart is pumping; he still feels the fear deep in his stomach. It always feels so real, and he hates that his subconscious makes him relive that day in glorious detail. Every morning, he gets up and tries to reassure himself that he's okay, that he's got work to do that no one else can...now that Jordan isn't around to do it.

And he has to remind himself that this is a gift, being a 4400, being chosen to save the world. One day, people will thank them, and he will be able to rest easy in satisfaction that he did what was foisted upon him. He'll do his duty because it means something. Jordan acts – had acted - like it was a blessing, not a curse, but Shawn thinks it could well be both. A blessing upon the world, or at least those he cures, but a curse upon himself and his family. Or maybe he's the one who's cursed. He can't decide, but it barely matters. As Matthew has shown him, he doesn't have a choice – that was taken away the minute Jordan was, never to be returned.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 1st, 2006 01:03 am (UTC)
I love it!

I love Shawn/Jordan father/son fics. I love that aspect of their relationship, although I know a lot of writers like to make it less innocent.

And the Jordan death scene was so harrowing for poor Shawn. I can't wait to see his reaction to Jordan's return.
Apr. 1st, 2006 01:12 am (UTC)
Thanks so much for feedback, it seems so rare to get any for 4400 fics. You put a smile on my face. :)

Yeah, S3 is sure to have some wonderful surprises and awesome scenes in. I wonder how long before that particular one comes up. It'd seem like a episode 1 likelihood but if it wasn't that could be interesting.

And on Shawn/Jordan - I kind of prefer it to be father/son or mentor/disciple relationship. I don't mind the slash but I find their friendship, or however the relationship is defined, to be intriguing enough as it is and little explored in fics. So I had a go. I have a few more Shawn bunnies hanging around waiting more inspiration (like his first birthday being shortly after he runs away according to my worknigs out of timelines and the official sites 4400 database), and I imagine all of them would involve Jordan - after s2 they're both sort of tied up in each other emotionally.
Apr. 1st, 2006 07:36 pm (UTC)
Oh, please do write it!

I'll read all the Shawn and Shawn/Jordan fic I can get.

By my rekoning, Shawn must have run away in October, and had his 18th birthday on Dec. 12, (according to the 4400 database.) And yes, I'm sure Jordan already had a very powerful hold on him at that point.
Apr. 1st, 2006 09:06 pm (UTC)
By my calculations the events of White Light are all around about mid November, because several different things indicate roughly 3 months passing since the return (at least 7 weeks go by in the pilot episode alone).

But yeah, his birthday would happen just a few weeks to a month after he runs away, which has to be tough. Jordan would be one to know that sort of information, I'm just trying to decide what he'd do... I also realised Shawn can't have finished high school, so something must have been arranged about that. Both things I'd love to write about but the ideas aren't developed enough currently and I have other character fics bugging me, but I do hope to write more Shawn stuff.

I've got more Diana/Marco, a Nina fic, a Maia fic and a few crossovers in the works - but I shall endeavor on Shawn fics too. :)
Apr. 1st, 2006 03:16 am (UTC)
very haunting fic. congrats on this.

now he sees that its one thing to 2nd-guess Jordan's actions, another to find himself in Jordan's shoes. heckova way to find out, with the other shoe dropping on him.

bravo. now please, write something cheerful.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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