Spoilers: Only Season 1 really, any episode with Kavanagh in.
Summary: They presume to know him, but they know nothing – it's just it serves his purpose to let them go on believing what they like. Kavanagh PoV with unrequited Kav/Weir and actual Weir/BYOS
A/N: Betaread by Ellex and Fanwoman. The 2nd of my fanfic100 fics on Kavanagh – yes, that's right I'm crazy and I've promised a 100 fics from/about him – so expect a lot more Kavfic. :)
He'd like to think it was about sex. If that was all it was, he'd have reported it, spread the gossip far and wide, given them hell for being so... so... reckless.
...for being reckless with his feelings. Not that either knows the truth. Their perspective of his feelings is about as far from the truth as you can get.
Oh sure, he's never going to be happy at how she chewed him out, but half the reason he protested so much was because he hadn't expected it from her. He'd wanted her to be better than that, to see his reasoning. He'd wanted her support.
But he'd never have it again. He should have backed down; she shouldn't have made it an issue. Now he is the issue. And not the way he wants to be. He wishes it wasn't true, but he wants to be with her. Crazy as it is, he wishes he knew Elizabeth better. He doesn't relish knowing her as 'Weir', as their leader, but as Elizabeth, he'd found her intriguing, exhilarating company. She really believes in her people, and he'd wanted her to believe in him. She had, in a way, to bring him here, but maybe she regrets it.
He's still here, but he won't ever be who or what he wants. He isn't the right man for her, and he knows it. He sees the way she looks at her 'friend'. Publicly, those two are friends, but it clearly goes far deeper than that. What they have makes her smile and forget about everyone else, and all her troubles, too. No doubt that includes him, on both counts. It makes his stomach sink and his chest tighten, but he turns on his heels and goes about his business. It's ironic that he's the only one who ever catches them, and he wonders if it's fate teaching him a lesson, or maybe everyone else sees it, too, and can't bear to destroy their happiness.
Mind you, no one else would think he'd care – either about her or anyone else's happiness. But he lets them think what they like because, quite frankly, he doesn't want them to know, doesn't want pity or understanding. He just does his job, the best way he knows – the way that gets results. He goes on every day, pretending it doesn't matter that no one notices if anything he does has any positive influence. It's just a job that needs doing, in a place they need to be – that's how he survives here. He doesn't need support, but when it all gets to be too much, he recalls how she must have seen something deeper in him, at least once, for him to even be here. It doesn't make him happy, but it helps him carry on.
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